Selective Hearing

Listening to worship music covers I came across one that hit me like a punch to the diaphragm.  It was a rendition of the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World.  Now this cover was done in such away that I couldn't even speak afterwords.   I just thought that wow that makes it so much clearer.
The lyrics "Say Something, I'm giving up on you" were the same words that I used to say to God.  My life was crumbling. Losing my wife and son to my own fear.  I prayed "God do something.  Tell me what I have to...Just tell me I beg you."  But no answer came.  I lost everything. My wife, son, job, home, and eventually my sanity.  Falling deeper and deeper into manic depression.   I cried out with a gun under my chin "GOD PLEASE HELP ME I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE".  Shaking as I held the gun I saw the face of my wife of my baby boy.  Lowering the weapon I vowed to give up on God and do life my way.   God said nothing, so he would forever be nothing to me.
But God was saying things.  He was calling me to his church.  To where others could help guide me.  Telling me to swallow my pride. But I chose to never hear those words.
Yet God in his loving kindness let me be broken so that I could be made new.  He spoke to me and I confessed my sin to Jesus.  I was oathbreaker, adulterer, and faithless one.  Worst of all sinners.  But God the father showed me the way again and this time I chose to listen.  I am new to this whole "Listening to God even when it is not what I want to hear or am afraid to follow it".
But I know this to be a trustworthy saying that when I select what I want to hear and what I do not then I will surely fail.  But when I walk the Fathers path and listen to where he guides me, then even fear will have no place in my life.

I have learned that when we "choose" to listen to only the things we wish to hear from God, we risk the chance of thinking he doesn't say anything

The Step Taken By: S. C. Hall

"One step, that is all it would take and everything could change," I whispered softly to myself as I peered down at the ground below.  A crowd had gathered to see what was going on.  All those people just stood there and watched.  But,yet again, that is all they ever did was watch.
Watch as the seams of my very own sanity were torn open.  Did they not see the redness of my tear soaked eyes? Or the fact that I kept the rest of humanity at a distance?  No, they did not see because they did not wish to see. For if they saw what was truly in front of them. they would be utterly at a loss for words.
When they asked how I was doing I would reply with 'I am fine.'  Yet it would sound as though a programmed response.  So they would then move on with their business as I was left feeling alone.  Why did no one care?  Did acknowledging my brokenness mean that they would have to admit their own?
I close my eyes as I hear the footsteps behind me. "Sir, how about you take a step back and we can talk about what is troubling you," says a soothing voice.  Turning around I see a man in a perfectly tailored suit.  The kind that those who call themselves professionals wear.
Raising my voice I reply.  "Why the hell do you care?  Do you know me?"  That second question was of course easy to answer since I had never seen this man before in my life.  But I have met his kind before.
The so called experts who charged you $100 an hour to lay on a couch and spill your guts to them.  Always seeming to have the right answers.  But all they ever did was give some textbook advice and wish you luck.  To end these sessions with 'see you next week.' Every time it was the same issues, same advice, and 'good luck.'  Yet it would never help.  I would just feel more alone and hopeless.
Then there was the pills.  Always getting stronger and doing less to solve the problem.  "Theses will help you not feel so bad" is what they told me as a boy.  But they were not fully right in the outcome.  Oh sure they helped me not feel depressed, or any other emotion for that matter.  I had become a husk.  A zombie wondering among the living.
"No more! I will not be a zombie again! I will not take your stupid pills!" I was tearing up as I yelled at the Suit.
The Suit didn't retaliate. With a sympathetic tone he said. "I see you are married.  Does your wife know bad you are hurting/"
Swallowing hard I looked down at my left hand.  A sad smile coming to my lips as I saw the ring.  Tears fell freely from my eyes as the memory of that day came into my consciousness.  There she was, so beautiful in her white dress.  Smiling up at me as she slid the ring on my finger.  Vows were spoken to love each other until our final breaths.  Then the kiss.  Oh that sealing kiss that spoke more to my soul than any word spoken.  How could I tell the woman I love that she loved a broken man?
"I can tell that you love your wife deeply," said the Suit, breaking me out of my trance.  "How about children?  Do you have any kids?"
There was no need for words as I buried my face in my hands.  In my mind I saw those bright blue eyes of my son open for the first time.  Just holding him as he looked up at me I had thought that my heart was going to explode with pride and love. My son. My baby boy.  No matter the pain I felt now, it would be nothing compared to the pain of leaving him.
I didn't see it but the Suit was close enough now and he placed his hand on my shoulder.  "I can tell you are hurting.  But this will not stop the pain.  It will just pass it onto those you love.  One step, that is all it will take and everything can change."
No I could not bear that pain being felt by them.  So, lifting my foot I slowly take that step...
Landing in the mans arms I let go the flood that I had held back.  Through the sobs I was able to choke out two desperate words. "Help Me."

A Wooden Heart

"Lord, help me learn things that lead me closer to a heart like yours."  I had asked this back in August 2010 when I was in trade school. I went there thinking that I knew what I wanted to learn....and as always I was wrong.  You see, I thought that I wanted to be a welder, but i did not have the steadiness needed.  Then I tried Heavy Equipment Operator yet i never made it into the course.  So I then decided to throw my hands in the air and ask that simple request, "Lead me closer to a heart like yours." His answer was to make me a carpenter.

At first I was a little overwhelmed. I mean Christ himself was a carpenter for thirty years.  Honor filled my soul, but I still did not understand.  What about carpentry had to do with the spiritual aspect of who Christ is. Now almost five years later I am slowly beginning to understand.

You see it has two reasons. First is Creation.  When I hand build something I devote my time and effort to give existence to a table, chair, etc.  With this also comes my sweat and blood.  But at the end of it all, in front of me is the finished project.  Christ is the same way with us.  He draws up the plans. Just how I pick the wood, stain, and shape of the table. He picks the body frame, color, and the very core of who we are.  When he came down to earth he showed us not only was he willing to sweat and bleed; but proved that he would die to make us, his creations, complete. Also when I make something, that creation has the identity of being created by Sheridan Hall.  With us and Christ it is, as my favorite Thai saying goes, "Same, Same. But different."  This is because, unlike the table, we have the ability to identify ourselves as created by Christ.  As well as Christ himself seeing us as Created by him. WE.ARE.HIS.  Then he sends us out to live our lives and sadly, things change.

But then we have the chance of being "New Creations."  In carpentry we call this Refurbishment.  (this is the second reason.)  In refurbishing, say a chair, I have to sand out the scratches, scuffs, and bad paint.  Sometimes i even have to rebuild a leg.  I do this to make the chair look better.  But also so that no one Identifies that chair by the scratches, chips, or broken leg.  Christ does the same thing with our hearts.  He fills the holes and smooths out the scratches that sin and our choices have left.  Even goes as far as fixing our broken hearts.  He does all this because he loves us.  Now when I am done with refurbishing the chair and people ask, "What happened to that beat up and broken chair?" I get to smile and say "You are sitting in it." So when Christ fixes us up, we are no longer identified as broken and sinful.  We are able to be identified as new and improved creations of Christ.

Now to end this post I would like to say one thing.  God has fixed my wooden heart by smoothing it to completion and staining it with his protective and sealing blood.

Messages In Sand: Introduction

Sweaty, naked, bruised, dirty, and at the feet of Jesus.  This is the picture of the woman caught in adultery.  We all know this historical event of when Jesus forgives a woman, whom He knows without a doubt that she is guilty.  In this series I will be delving into many aspects of this event.  There is so much more than just the forgiveness of sins in this wonderful yet challenging story.

To kick this series off, I want to give us the picture of this story:  You are being dragged through the streets by your own people.  Naked, covered in sweat, dirt, and the smells of sex.  You are being punched, spit on, and called a whore.  All of a sudden you are theown down at the feet of a man called a Rabbi and even rumours that he is the messiah.  You hear them asking whether to kill you or not as you see people picking up stones.

I will stop the image here for now because the ending of this series will cover the end of this amazing encounter of Gods love in more than the one way we have grown to know.

Threads of Slavery

Do you know that you wear my innocent blood,
Or that what covers your back has caused a flood,
Of my pain tainted sweat and vat of tears,
For the chance food my hands have become rusted gears,

I am not paid for the pain that fills your demands,
And against my masters whip not a soul stands,
For my life is worth only that which I can produce,
My failure in even the simplest tasks leads to abuse.

They break all but my young, tiny and nimble hands,
Because they are selling my work to your lands,
I am a child enslaved to your materialistic amusement,
And the most pitiful part is that you are blissfully ignorant.


By: Sheridan C. Hall

Wild Rose by Sheridan Hall

Amongst the dark and evil streets of a land so full of death,

You could smell the sickness every time you took a breath,

Sadly here animals stalked their prey, the daughters of man,

For a hungry and lustful soul, is hard to stop from whence it began.

I heard the cries of those souls who were tortured each night,

Yet the truest pain to them was beyond my worldly sight.

Young flowers taken with grimy hands to have their pedals torn,

Their beauty tainted countless times they wish they were never born,

Ravaged by the clawing fingers that wanted only to tear the flesh,

Until every part of their souls are turned into a sorrowful and hateful mesh,

Can you hear the cries of the roses screaming for an end to it all,

And at the end of each day on scarred hands and knees do they crawl.

Open your eyes, Oh people who do not have to live as livestock,

Where you're blessed souls fly as if part of a giant and graceful flock,

Listen and know the pain that is caused as you lie safe in your beds,

Think of the nightmares that do not haunt your sweet little heads,

Stop and pray that the Enemy will stop sending his blackened Crows,

For they come and feed on the hearts and souls of the Wild Rose.

Hope: What is it Really?

What is it you are wishing for? A better job? A spouse that treats you like the movies portray? Or maybe it is as simple as being respected? The words Hope and Wish can mean the same thing in a sense. You see there two definitions for the word Hope that mean so much to our relationship with Christ.

The first definition is the basic sense of Hope. This definition, given by the by the Oxford American Dictionary, goes as such [ a person or a thing that may help or save someone]. Okay, yes I know that we have all heard it said that Jesus is our only Hope for salvation. THIS IS 100% TRUE. So I won't elaborate to much more on this definition. I will say this though; that when it is said that Christ is our ONLY Hope it is saying that there is nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING besides Jesus that is out Hope to be saved. Phew, with that said let us move on.

The second definition, and the one this post is focused on, goes like so [a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain outcome]. Well that seems cut and dry does it not? Too many times the simple things are the ones we tend to skim over and think we have it handled. But it is so much more sometimes. What you Hope for is what your heart desires. As sons and daughters of the Most High, we should desire what he desires. I mean look at our worldly parents. All children we want to see our parents happy. Or even how wives want to please their spouse. We are called BOTH the Bride of Christ and the Children of God. So we should take those aspects of worldly desire and apply them to our relationship with God.

Now I know I focus a lot on the spiritual aspect of things. The reason for that is because Jesus himself said these words "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." This shows me that Christ was telling us that our hearts need to be focused on Him and then out of the overflow of that it will be come into the physical realm.

So, since this is part of a series of posts, I am going to make the connection between my Faith post and this one.

After we put our Faith in Christ (please read my post on the subject of faith) we start to hope for, or desire, the things Christ does.

Now to him who gives you each breath and gives you hope, be with you now and for the rest of your eternal life with him. To HIM be the Glory until the end of time and beyond. Amen