Listening to worship music covers I came across one that hit me like a punch to the diaphragm. It was a rendition of the song "Say Something" by A Great Big World. Now this cover was done in such away that I couldn't even speak afterwords. I just thought that wow that makes it so much clearer.
The lyrics "Say Something, I'm giving up on you" were the same words that I used to say to God. My life was crumbling. Losing my wife and son to my own fear. I prayed "God do something. Tell me what I have to...Just tell me I beg you." But no answer came. I lost everything. My wife, son, job, home, and eventually my sanity. Falling deeper and deeper into manic depression. I cried out with a gun under my chin "GOD PLEASE HELP ME I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE". Shaking as I held the gun I saw the face of my wife of my baby boy. Lowering the weapon I vowed to give up on God and do life my way. God said nothing, so he would forever be nothing to me.
But God was saying things. He was calling me to his church. To where others could help guide me. Telling me to swallow my pride. But I chose to never hear those words.
Yet God in his loving kindness let me be broken so that I could be made new. He spoke to me and I confessed my sin to Jesus. I was oathbreaker, adulterer, and faithless one. Worst of all sinners. But God the father showed me the way again and this time I chose to listen. I am new to this whole "Listening to God even when it is not what I want to hear or am afraid to follow it".
But I know this to be a trustworthy saying that when I select what I want to hear and what I do not then I will surely fail. But when I walk the Fathers path and listen to where he guides me, then even fear will have no place in my life.
The lyrics "Say Something, I'm giving up on you" were the same words that I used to say to God. My life was crumbling. Losing my wife and son to my own fear. I prayed "God do something. Tell me what I have to...Just tell me I beg you." But no answer came. I lost everything. My wife, son, job, home, and eventually my sanity. Falling deeper and deeper into manic depression. I cried out with a gun under my chin "GOD PLEASE HELP ME I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE". Shaking as I held the gun I saw the face of my wife of my baby boy. Lowering the weapon I vowed to give up on God and do life my way. God said nothing, so he would forever be nothing to me.
But God was saying things. He was calling me to his church. To where others could help guide me. Telling me to swallow my pride. But I chose to never hear those words.
Yet God in his loving kindness let me be broken so that I could be made new. He spoke to me and I confessed my sin to Jesus. I was oathbreaker, adulterer, and faithless one. Worst of all sinners. But God the father showed me the way again and this time I chose to listen. I am new to this whole "Listening to God even when it is not what I want to hear or am afraid to follow it".
But I know this to be a trustworthy saying that when I select what I want to hear and what I do not then I will surely fail. But when I walk the Fathers path and listen to where he guides me, then even fear will have no place in my life.
I have learned that when we "choose" to listen to only the things we wish to hear from God, we risk the chance of thinking he doesn't say anything
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