I have been reflecting on what Christ has done for me through out my life and man let me tell ya he has had a hard job. I cant believe how merciful he is. I was a pot smoking, beer drowning, abusive, lying, stealing, and lustful BOY. Sadly that's just scratching the service.
I used to say that I liked it when people hated me. I finally know why i enjoyed hatred. Because I hated myself. Strange huh well let me explain. I hated myself for everything that my hands, mind, and soul did to others but to me it seemed at the time that hurting people was all i was good at. And then God started trying to show me his love.
LOVE....that four letter word that i truly despised. I had no idea what that word meant. now with that said i have to say that i have a family that loves me so flipping much. But still. God got a hold of my heart several months ago and showed me that his LOVE makes the love my family has for me seem like hate. In Ywam (Youth With A Mission) I went through a phase where God was shaping me to be what i was meant to be.
Their is one short story that i will tell you. Back in YWAM during our last week of lecture phase (before heading to our outreach countries), that our speaker had our class out around a big ol' bonfire. We started throwing in lists of names of people that had hurt us and that we wanted, as well as needed, to forgive. Then by an act of the Holy Spirit we started going to our dorm rooms and grabbing things that we felt were holding us back from fulling Gods will for our lives. And all i can really say is WOW. Girls were throwing clothing, make-up, and even one girl cut off half her hair and threw it in. Guys threw in books and other things. But the thing i will never forget is what God i will repeat that GOD asked me if i was willing to give up anything and everything for him and, being the good christian i had become, said yes. But i never expected Him to tell me to throw in my Laptop. You see i had a problem with pornography and the laptop was my main source for that addiction. God said throw it in and be free. So i did throw in a laptop. After I threw it in I started Crying so hard i could hardly breath. I Screamed at the top of my longs "I WILL NO LONGER LET TEMPTATION KEEP ME FROM BEING 100% ALL OUT FOR GOD".
Now I do not that story to tell you how great a man 'I' am but instead how Faithful GOD is. You see I may at times still struggle with looking at things i shouldnt, or the want to lie, and even the fight to stay sober. But I am free from the hold those addictions had on me. And it all started because God asked me to trust in His Love.
HIS LOVE COST HIM EVERYTHING. AND IT IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL
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